Life and Death

In this so called ordinary life of mine,
Out of all the events, happy and sad;
Nothing has left me so dumbfounded
Than the news of death arriving at my door!

Be it someone you loved or hardly knew,
Be it someone you saw every day,
Be it someone you hated deep in your guts,
Before you realize, you will find a tear in your eye…

For death is such an evil that it comes with no warning,
It visits you when you least expect it…
It happens so quick that it will leave you in shock
And you will take a life time to sink the pain caused by it.

Moments like this makes you think irrational,
Moments like this questions the very belief of fate.
You will find yourself in contradiction,
Thinking if we have a say in this strange phenomenon.

I know that we don’t live forever,
And that if one was born, one ought to die someday as well.
But the impact that a person’s death triggers in our lives
That is the loss, which we won’t be able to get past…

The tragedy here is that when a life ends,
It is not just  that we will miss them having around in our life;
The fact that all their unfinished dreams and hopes,
All those things they intended to do in their life will remain incomplete forever…

Only respect we can pay is to remember them,
Only remedy to this disaster is to keep them alive in our hearts,
So that they will be a part of our memories,
And then we can move on with the journey of our life…

Fear and Hope

What is it that you fear the most in life?
Is it the feeling you might die someday?
Or is it the dread that you might end up poor and hungry?
Well, if you ask me I will tell you my fear.

For more than anything there is this terror inside me,
Which is making me feel so helpless…
There is this fear in me which makes me paralyzed;
And it is the fear of losing someone I love more than myself.

I can feel the monster consuming my soul like a parasite.
I may sound insane ; but I really don’t care!
For I have never been this worried in my life,
And I have never faced something this strong!

It is when you realize that there are some things beyond your control,
And some things that you can just watch and wait to  let it happen.
It is when every night becomes a question of survival,
And every minute passes with a silent prayer…

If I could find a little hope somewhere in my heart ,
A belief that everything will end up fine
I would have survived this dilemma,
I would have found my path…

I know that I must come out of it somehow,
As they expect I should fight my fear…
I try to close my feelings inside me,
I try to hold my tears and show a courage that is phony.

Lately it struck my mind as a sudden awakening,
That I should not fear, but only hope for the good!
As they say you can either surrender yourself to fear,
Or emerge out of it bearing hope in your heart!

My heart sings to you...

My heart sings to you, hoping to make you listen;
Please be with me always like this dear,
For I won’t be able to make it without you.
And if any life is left inside me,
It is all because of you, only because of you!

Sometimes I think why I depend so much on you,
What would I do if I am to lose you?
The very thought itself is so disturbing that I go blank;

Why do you pretend as if you don’t hear me?
For I know you can see me through
Why do you ignore my words,
When you feel the same for me?

It is ironical that sometimes I even like the distance between us;
Despite missing you, for I like the way we connect to each other.
It is when you are thought of most; that I feel my love for you inside me so intensely…

If only you swear to be mine forever,
I can reclaim my life, or at least die with pride!
And my heart sings to you, hoping to make you listen
My heart sings to you, do you still care?

Late Realizations

How could I not realize that you were meant to be mine…
How could I not see the things that you would do for me…

Why did I shut down my mind to you back then…
If only I could foresee, if only I surrendered…

I would have been in your arms and my life would not have taken its treacherous path…
Still I m glad that I could find you in this late hour;

And that I took chance this time with you
Although little did I anticipate that this would turn out to be the most eventful time of my life...

I wish you know…

I used to believe that I was cursed to endless grief in life;
For I was always deceived by false promises;
And I was too baffled that I lost trust in everything
I refused to come out of my protective shell of confinement.

Then out of nowhere a ray of light shone towards me
I was engulfed by astonishment and fear;
For I wondered what was that sudden brightness
And who was it to illuminate my obscure world!

 I slowly opened my eyes out of bewilderment,
You stood there ahead, your face with an auspicious smile
Your eyes sparkling like embers with a look I couldn’t understand
And you extended your hand towards me, persuading me to take it.

I am not yet sure what made me to come along with you
And why I was hesitant in my heart;
I think I was too hurt to have hope again
And I thought that I had nothing to give for everything was taken.

I tried to make you leave by warning about my tormented past,
But you were persistent on staying beside me.
You said you want to take away my pain; you want to give a new life to me,
I still couldn’t believe as I thought it was too mesmerizing to be real!

And now I rest in your arms leaving all my distress behind;
Pondering all those things we have been through,
I feel an eternal bliss inside me which I don’t know how to express
I feel heavy in heart with all the things I have to say to you.

I wish that you could figure out somehow that how much I love you;
I wish you know that you are the best thing that happened to me,
I wish to promise that I would do whatever it takes to be with you;
And I wish that I will be your girl, always and forever!

Lost

Intrigued by the twisted games that my mind plays with me;
As if psyched by a wicked conspiracy against me,
I stumble across in the dark, trying to find my way out;
I try to cut myself loose of the chains that enslave me…

Contrary to faith that I was capable of liberating myself,
I now feel threatened, that I am on the verge of giving up;
Will there be signs to show me the way to my destiny?
Or will I be stupid enough to desist in the half way?

Each day seems like a struggle for me that I feel lost;
Confused and startled, I retreat to a world of myself!
Waiting for the storm to come and perish me,
For I have reached a point of no return and I have nowhere to go…

Still I yield to the idea that I may get rescued;
And I may find a life with all the answers I seek…
Countless cries of pain and plea of help go in vain,
Will I ever attain salvation and end all these once and for all…

Break out...

Take me back in time to a place where I used to be with you,
Take me back in time when life used to feel so simple ,
Take me back in time when everything that happened made sense,
Take me back in time when money and love didn’t matter…

All that appears like a dream now, as if I was sleepwalking,
Where did all those happy days go? Those friendly faces that made life easier,
I am getting sick of the monotony of my daily existence,
And all I could hear is the wailing sound of my soul to break out!

I wake up every day, hoping for a change,
I walk every step, thinking I might find something new today,
I wish I could pretend that I am happy,
I wish I could hold my tears and put up with a nonchalant smile…

I wait for the time to unravel what is to become of me,
I let the blessings of people; who love me work wonders,
I confess like a coward that I am afraid to fight more,
And all I could hear is the wailing sound of my soul to break out!

Sacrifice

Let us sacrifice ourselves in love,
Let us be selfish for one last time,
Let us drown in the pain of existence
Let us ignore the pleading of others.

For it is hard to make them understand,
For it is not worthy of our parting ways;
For them we are two foolish souls in love
For them our voice is mere estranged expression!

Come with me, we will go on to another world,
A world where there is no one else but you and me,
A world where no one can find us
A world from where we will never return...

Won't you come with me my love?
Won't you leave all this behind?
Won't you let me end this sorrow?
Won't you let me kill us both, to keep our love alive forever?

Avowal

I am not sure that I have done no harm to anyone,
Although I can say I meant none.
Still my heart cries in vain;
Of the things I have never intended to do in my life but I did,
And the reason for which is yet unclear...

The questions to be asked at this moment,
The cliche to be unraveled in this phase,
Am I to be blamed for what I have done?
Or to be forgiven for not having done what I could have?

Look through me you will see my heart,
Listen to my calling you will hear my past,
Indulge in my thoughts you will feel my pain,
For I have been seeking something all my life
And which I thought I almost had but lost

Am I to say that I have found what I have been searching?
Am I to justify myself for what I have been doing till now?
For which, I don't have answers or at least I pretend so;

But one thing is for sure,
The lightness I feel in me is true and pure
The life I am living now is enchanting with all that I ever wanted
My mind keeps saying to me that this is the right path,
For some reason I believe that I have a chance
And my demented mind wanders again...

Ayn Rand's Ideal Man

"Man's ego is the fountainhead of human progress"

I recently read Ayn Rand's popular novel "Fountainhead" , after hearing many words of praise about her philosophy from couple of my friends. Well, the entire plot of the book revolves around this concept called "Objectivism" and its different shades. Although initially the idea seemed a bit unpractical and confused to my average intelligent mind, once I read a few chapters of the book I came to better terms with it.

The main character Howard Roark stands for what objectivism really is. He is Ayn Rand's concept of ideal man, who is a pure individualist living by his own terms despite what society thinks. He is a wannabe architect who gets expelled from college for being too unconventional creating designs of his own without following the so called standards in the architecture. As the story unveils he will be met with strict objections from the world for his own novel approach in creating buildings without even considering what the client wants. In other words no matter what, he will design his buildings according to what he feels will suit the location and the purpose of the building. And the interesting part is that he sticks to his principles even when he is pushed to extreme levels like social isolation, unemployment.

In the real world, we may never come across a strong personality with such conviction and reasons. And even if we do, we will also go with the majority of others who says you have to compromise on your ideals at least on some level to have growth in career and personal life.We may not be able to follow or to digest the concept of individualism as a whole rather than collectivism, but we can definitely try to adapt some essence of it. This book is in many ways an inspiration to us , giving answers to the questions we have at different stages in our life.

The part where Howard gives his statement explaining his actions and beliefs in a court leaves us thinking for sure. Through his speech Ayn Rand tries to tell us how hard it is to be an individualist or egoist if you are living in a collectivism oriented society. How any new idea, belief, or creation might be first met with hatred or disbelief, but latter they have proved to be the milestones in human progress.

Like how Prometheus was tortured for sharing fire with man, how Adam was punished for eating the fruit of wisdom, how man's invention of wheel, airplane were considered stupid ideas initially; every creator is met with cynical approach. The point is to swim through all the violent currents and stand by one's belief until reaching the shore.

Being a social animal we are generally expected to live by preexisting rules and norms, to live in  a particular pattern, to please people or to feed on others idea. To live for others in a sense; but this book suggests that when a person lives for himself/herself first by doing his/her work to his/her full potential and happiness the society growth and progress will follow.

Repercussions

(Written on 19/03/2010)

Have you ever asked yourself lately; what is it that you seek in life?
Is it happiness, glory or wealth; or so called peace of mind?
Is it the love from someone you care about most in this world?
Or is it the cliched question of finding one’s purpose in life?

For sometimes I feel too much perplexed in mind; to figure out the right thing to do,
As I tend to hold myself responsible for the repercussions of my doings!
A notion that I might end up repeating my mistakes,
And that I will be judged every single moment of my life!

I don’t know on whom I should put the blame for this,
Maybe on the over expectations of others on me,
As if I ought to prove my point to them,
As if I am obliged to some preset duties and that I owe something to this world!

Why do I need to be a part of this rat race?
Why do I need to bother so much about all these beliefs?
When all I want is to feel free in my mind!
And all I want is to succumb to the wanderlust in me!

To write is to opinion, to write is to impart.

I don't remember when I started to write first exactly. There was some poems about love, loneliness, the stereotypical brief period of diary writing and so on.

It never turned out to full bloom due to the obvious nature of impatience in me with which I undertook most of the ventures in my life.

However there is one ultimatum that I felt about writing; it made me feel better always. So after many persuasions and aspirations from my beloved husband I finally sat down to start a blog. 

As I mentioned in the title. to write is to opinion , to impart. Like any type of expression, I am aware of the fact that I may incite negative comments on certain things I write about; which I am totally willing to confront.

So by dedicating this blog to my father, who always encouraged me to write I, Jaisha Menon start my first blog ever!